Mike Schonenberger grew up like many of us. Mike had a dream. Mike wanted to drive for Uber & Lyft when he grew up, so he could be his own boss.
It turns out Mike has a few problems. Mike liked to smoke weed. Mike got arrested more than once because of his weed. Mike carried an illegal firearm and got caught with it. Mike drove on a suspended license and got caught by the police. Mike altered his temporary tags and got caught by the police. Mike assaulted someone and was charged with domestic violence. During all of this Mike also go charged with violating his probation. Twice. The ability to legally carry (as pictured above) is questionable with these charges, specifically DV.
Uber won’t hire Mike Schonenberger. Lyft won’t hire Mike Schonenberger. Mike wants you to forget about all of that and hire him directly.
We asked Mike to expand on why he was unable to work for Uber or Lyft directly – he was honest:
Mike insists there are some PROs to the situation. Mike doesn’t want you to worry about the insurance – the $1 Million of insurance coverage that comes with a Lyft or Uber ride. Mike doesn’t want you to worry that what he’s trying to do is, once again, illegal. Mike wants you to focus on the fact that he has (in his words) “a valid license”, “up to date insurance”, “leather & A.C.”
Mike are you Joking? Surely you are joking about all of this?
Mike didn’t like our suggestion of names for his new ride-share service, but came up with UberG:
Mike reminds you of yet another perk of having a driver:
To be fair, he does have a car worthy of a ride-share or taxi service:
Never mind that we have no way of knowing if his license is up to date (arrested for suspended license before), or the that his insurance is not the appropriate commercial insurance that would cover him or us or anyone else, should anything happen. Speaking of – if you got sick in his car (a common late night occurrence for Uber/Lyft rides), Mike says he would first assault you (he has had the domestic violence practice, previously!) and simply take from you at least $200 in cash maybe up to $300 – and with that history of carrying illegal firearms, and domestic violence, I’m sure you feel safe that he would collect it without force, right?
How about it – do you feel safe in hiring Mike to drive you… even down the street? With all the Uber rate cuts for passengers, and his promise to be cheaper than an Uber, he obviously can’t be very well at math, because at those prices he won’t be able to afford gas… or bail… unless he’s carrying some of those old habits on the side?
The real question remains – what charge will Mike get caught for, first? Illegal transport for hire, trafficking, or assault/extortion?
Hey, Mike, can we get a ride? From Murder Kroger to Maryland Farms, how’s $10 sound? At 4PM. Good?