DUI: Man flees after crash, tells police he’s “a lightweight when it comes to drinking”— Michael Simonetti

31-year-old Michael Simonetti, who described himself to police as “a lightweight when it comes to drinking” called to report he had been in a crash just over 90 minutes earlier. Police met him just down the street, where they discovered a puddle and trail of fresh alcohol, which he had poured out the window of his vehicle. He says he left the scene because he believed the other vehicle also left. Inside the car, police found 6 empty Captain Morgan bottles, and a glass with ice and liquor inside, along with other random alcohol cans.

He failed field sobriety tests and was charged with DUI, violation of implied consent law, and leaving the scene of an accident.

Drunk birthday boy arrested after climbing into cop car on Music Row — Bryce Parker

24-year-old Bryce Parker was celebrating his birthday with friends on Music Row when it was reported he was getting into vehicles of people he didn’t know. After Metro Nashville Police arrived to investigate the call, they noticed the 24-year-old had climbed into their own patrol car, which was parked with the emergency equipment activated. Unable to locate the friends he was celebrating with, he was taken into custody and charged with public intoxication.

Police: Man in ‘heightened emotional state’ assaults another with traffic cone — Delonta Burleson arrested

Metro Nashville Police say 22-year-old Delonta Burleson had been kicked out of an establishment by security at 2622 Jefferson Street in the pre-daylight hours on Sunday. He was described as being in a “heightened emotional state” when he then returned to the property, picked up a traffic cone, and threw it at Kylan King. Burleson was charged with assault and is free on a $1,000 bond.

Man says his boyfriend trapped him in a closet, strangled him until he was unable to breathe

34-year-old Trovaski Holt was booked into the Metro Nashville Jail Sunday after his boyfriend showed police the injuries on his neck, alleging that Holt trapped him in a closet, pushed him against a wall, and strangled him. The boyfriend, Andrew Comerford, was also arrested on two outstanding warrants for violating his probation.

DayDrunk: 9 empty wine bottles found in car; woman urinates on herself while in conversation with officer

64-year-old Sally Mattis, of Memphis, was charged with DUI just before 5 p.m. Wednesday at the Harpeth River State Park in Nashville when police found her with 9 open and empty bottles of Barefoot Pinot Grigio in her vehicle, though she claims she only recently drank two. While talking with officers, she urinated all over herself mid-conversation and refused all testing.